home. puking in laundry basket.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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