I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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