you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think Iβm in love
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