Plan B is the new Plan A
Don't make out with my wife yet
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize