Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
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Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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