I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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