dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
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