ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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