dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
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I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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