you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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