I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize