morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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