I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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