we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize