he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
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Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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