there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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