I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize