No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
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I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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