It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize