There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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