If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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