I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize