you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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