Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
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I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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