Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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