Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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