you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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