I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize