$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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