He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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