Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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