I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
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I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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