people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize