so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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