Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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