I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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