Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize