I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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