oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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