I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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