Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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