my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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