Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize