fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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