there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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