so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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