You smell like a Billy Joel song
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize