you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The best revenge is premature balding
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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