It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Shame is for Republicans.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize