Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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